Surrender, completion of a karmic cycle, moving on to a new mindset/cycle.
Fun fact: this is the first blog post featuring a card that actually showed up in a reading!! My previous posts have been about an attitude/moment/feeling that I attributed to a card. This one is a card that sheds light on an issue. Does that make sense?
The card looks catastrophic, but it’s about the ending of… catastrophe. But not really. At least not right now, not for me.
When you’re in a situation that is less than ideal–new age hipster describes a relationship that isn’t really working out, but you’re trying to see if maybe it’ll get better if you stick it out–this card shows up.
In my previous post, Eight of Swords, I wrote about my college living situation, and essentially how miserable it makes me feel (for no real reason aside from my need for solitude and personal space).
It makes sense that the Ten of Swords would show up now. (Remember–I didn’t actually draw the Eight of Swords when I wrote about it, but I did just pull the Ten). I spent a good portion of the day sulking about how much I dislike being at home. (I’m never content, am I). Something about my 80-something-year-old grandmother listening to Jeopardy and Dr. Phil on full volume, the dog barking at everything, my grandma yelling at the dog to shut up (even at the slightest “woof”), and just knowing how negatively she treats her daughter (my mom).
Although this card often provokes a sense of dread when it appears in my readings, this time it made me laugh at myself. Here I am, feeling sorry for myself as I sit in the perfectly cool basement at my mother’s house in a nice suburb, eating some homemade pizza from yesterday, surrounded by (moderately outdated) creature comforts.
This card is telling me, Get a grip! Things could be so much worse. I don’t mean to say that my situation is meaningless or that it’s bad to whine a little bit–and I certainly don’t want to trivialize yours. But it’s times like these when this card forces me to really look at my situation and ask myself if it’s really as bad as I’m making it out to be. Just like with the Eight of Swords, my attitude is my prison.
Just before I pulled this card, and the others in the reading, I was thinking about ways that I can invite more positivity into my life and my surroundings. There’s a yoga mat upstairs in my bedroom that I can bring down here. I am trying to build a routine, after all. Meditation is also very useful. Maybe this is a sign that I really need to make these little changes and bring these additions into my life to make it more tolerable. This is something I’ve been working on for months, or years really, but there certainly has been a more focused effort only recently.
I really have seen a lot of progress in my life throughout the past year. It was at this time last year when I finally learned that I had ADHD–a pivotal moment in my life. Since then, I have been lucky enough to get an official diagnosis, medication, and I have implemented some strategies in order to get myself on track. It’s a lot easier to find motivation when you know that your failures are not your own fault, but a result of an unrecognized and untreated mental disorder. Speaking of which, if you are beating yourself over the head for your perceived failures, laziness, lack of motivation, etc., I highly recommend that you do some research of different mental disorders and mental illnesses in order to get the help you need. More than likely, you are experiencing something like this, too. (If you were truly lazy, you wouldn’t find yourself in so much distress about this “laziness”).
Anyway, I’m going back to my college town on Monday (which means I would have spent a full week at my mom’s house by that time and I sure as hell will be ready to get out of here), and I’m feeling pretty optimistic. There’s no need for me to keep pouting about my situation when there’s plenty of things that I can do to improve my situation and my mentality. I love spending time with my mom (in small doses), I’m purging my room of excess belongings and selling as much as I can at our garage sale this weekend, and I’m going with my mom to see Gary Clark Jr. in Chicago, after having gone to a bridal shower for her friend’s son. Oh, and tomorrow I’m meeting with a potential benefactor. And by the time I go back to my apartment, my roommates will have packed up and left for good!
I can do this!!